Dreamland

2009-08-14T22:52:00.003+08:00

What A True Boyfriend Should Do...

When she walks away from you mad

(Follow her)

When she stare's at your mouth

(Kiss her)

When she pushes you or hits you

(Grab her and dont let go)

When she start's cussing at you

(Don't cuss back and make her feel worse, Kiss her and tell her you love her)

When she's quiet

(Ask her whats wrong, but not a billon times when she says nothing)

When she ignore's you

(Give her your attention)

When she pulls away

(Pull her back)

When you see her at her worst

(Tell her she's beautiful)

When you see her start crying

(Just hold her and dont say a word)

When you see her walking

(Sneak up and hug her waist from behind)

When she's scared

(Protect her)

When she lay's her head on your shoulder

(Tilt her head up and kiss her)

When she steal's your favorite shirt

(Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night)

When she tease's you

(Tease her back and make her laugh)

When she doesnt answer for a long time

(Reassure her that everything is okay)

When she look's at you with doubt

(Back yourself up)

When she say's that she like's you

(She really does more than you could understand, completly true)

When she grab's at your hands

(Hold her's and play with her fingers)

When she bump's into you

(Bump into her back and make her laugh)

When she tell's you a secret

(Keep it safe and untold)

When she looks at you in your eyes

(Don't look away until she does)

When she misses you

(She's hurting inside)

When you break her heart

(The pain never really goes away)

When she says its over

(She still wants you to be hers)

by Skyla

2009-04-10T23:14:00.001+08:00

Music to my ears.

Confusion to my eyes.

Havoc to my fingers.

The piano.

Bye Bye Friday~

2009-03-24T00:43:00.003+08:00

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans

You gently called me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand

Oh Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the potter's hand

You gently call me into your presence
Guiding me by your holy spirit
Teach me dear lord to live all of my life through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand

Oh Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the potter's hand

2009-03-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

what am i to do.

is this the path i am to take.

i am unhappy.

very exhausted.

has my dreams changed.

it doesnt seems so sometimes.

i need a sign.

i need a direction.

2009-03-17T22:41:00.003+08:00

真爱是一次又一次地爱上同一个他.

Feel that this is very meaningful^^

(Taken from Yee Hwee's nick.hehe.)

2009-03-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

only in dreams, will i see you

only in dreams.

you are always there for me.

never once forsake me.

so many things i want to say to you.

so many things i want to do with you.

so many things.

If I could turn back time.
i miss you alot.

2009-03-04T23:04:00.001+08:00

2008-09-05T02:03:00.001+08:00

2008-09-04T23:52:00.003+08:00

2008-09-04T17:00:00.000+08:00

2008-09-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

2008-08-29T23:44:00.000+08:00

2008-08-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

2008-08-11T12:39:00.000+08:00

2008-08-11T12:29:00.000+08:00

Emptiness.

Completeness.

2008-07-31T09:08:00.002+08:00

Ten Commandments for Responsible Dog Owners
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have only you.
5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it.
7. Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I've been out in the sun too long, or my heart may be getting old and weak.
9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.
10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch it"; or "Let it happen in my absence."; Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I love you.

After watching "10 promises to my dog" with jas, i realized there are rooms for improvements as to how i treat kelly. We often take our loved ones for granted and only realise their importance when they are gone or leaving us. this is one show i would recommend to everyone. =) in some ways, this 10 promises can also be applied to our human loved ones, teaching us how much we are lacking in and neglecting. All shows about dogs are always heartwarming and tears-inducing.
(the ten commandments above is where the 10 promises came from)

2008-07-24T09:32:00.001+08:00

I absolutely love hanging out at Lunar. the drinks, my fav whisky dry, the music, the live band, the crowd, the atmosphere. just love it.
Next stop... Zouk! And maybe back to Lunar! if we got more time =)

Club-hop through MOS and fashionbar. MOS is seriously there for the quantity, the space and rooms, quality-wise, i think Zouk should be better. Fashionbar wasnt really what i had expected, wasnt as plush as i expected it to be. the clinic wasnt as extensive as i was hoping for it to be.

oh wells...there are still plenty and plenty of bars and clubs i wanna check out!
Like...Zouk(100%), St. James Powerhouse, DXO(maybe), The Arena(100%), Brewerkz(was nice during the 1st hang-out), Thumper(sounds cute*grins*), Loof(was told it is a nice hang-out place), Acid Bar(maybe), Eski Bar(100% new experience).

lets see... thats about 8 places. shall try out all their Ladies night 1st since that would allow more money to be channelled into drinks.
Whisky Dry. Never leave a club w/o it.(damn, i must not become an addict.LOL).

PS: i do have parental consent before i go clubbing. it didnt involve sneaking out and stuff.

2008-06-18T23:37:00.002+08:00

你( 惡作劇2吻片尾曲 ) ~林依晨 Ariel Lin你

风轻轻我听见你声音

你对着我叮咛

要注意自己的心情

雨轻轻我听见你声音

你拿着伞靠近

为我遮着风挡着雨

一点点想哭泣一点点想着你

你的爱很珍惜

我总依赖着你的记忆

你就像风在说话

顺着我方向

你就像海中的波浪

堆着我成长

我明白你的回答

温柔的对话

爱情其实没有办法

不被感动吧

我不说谎

2008-06-18T23:19:00.002+08:00

男人女人
许:爱爱爱爱了几回也明白其中滋味付出的从来不会等于收回我却还在等待着谁能出现

穆:伤伤伤伤了几回也曾经为爱憔悴爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈我却还是学不会狠心对谁

许:男人男人多希望你是好人多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼

穆:女人女人我答应做个好人我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

许:爱爱爱爱了几回也明白其中滋味付出的从来不会等于收回我却还在等待着谁能出现

穆:伤伤伤伤了几回也曾经为爱憔悴爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈

合:我却还是学不会狠心对谁

许:男人男人多希望你是好人多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼

穆:女人女人我答应做个好人我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

许:男人男人多希望你是好人多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼

穆:女人女人我答应做个好人

合:不会再让我（你）心疼一等再等你就是我等的那个人

穆:男人男人

许:女人女人

合:多么希望你是对的人

2008-04-24T20:59:00.002+08:00

hai. it affects and troubles me.
religion teaches one to love their family.not harm one's family.
religion isnt there to tear family apart. it is there to bond family together.
so why are family falling apart due to it.
even if the family have members of different religions, it DOESNT mean they cant get along.
it ISNT about forcing the other members to accept your beliefs.
it ISNT about putting family ties aside just for your religion.
so why are people behaving like this?!
If a deceased wants to have his funeral conducted according to a certain religious way.
then its only the right thing to do and follow his wishes. its the last FINAL journey for the deceased.
the funeral isnt there to tear families apart.
cant people put their religions aside and pay their last respect to the deceased?!
why follow your beliefs blindly, becoming blind to what matters most. family and loved ones.
DONT PREACH AND PREACH AND PREACH! cause for f**k sake, you aint as holy as the way you think you are.
dont go to church, preach to others when you are ignoring your own family, when you are forsaking your own family for your religion.
i believe very strongly that isnt God's teachings.
hai. why are people behaving like this. is loving and caring for one another so difficult.
at the end of the day, God is always watching over all of us and by our side.
so will it hurt to comfort your loved ones when they are down?
will it hurt to pay your last respect to your loved ones despite religious differences?
hai. sometimes, it can get very depressing knowing what people are doing, even when it doesnt involve you.
seriously religious differences should never be a reason for conflict.
everyone is entitled to follow their beliefs, choose the religion that best suit themselves.
dont force ideas onto others but just accept and embrace that others believe in a different religion from you.

hai. if i can make one wish. i wish God would enligten these people, bring comfort into their hearts and minds, bring families back together so that everyone can have a happy united family.

2008-04-21T20:19:00.005+08:00

Studying for BS 107 exam is like searching for a hair in a haystack!
EVEN a needle can reflect light. A hair? nope, no twinkling in the bright light!
In short. IT IS DARN SHITTY!
Here's the mcq instructions:
Note that more than one correct answer is possible for mcq and NO marks will be awarded if your answer is only partially correct or includes wrong choice(s)

AND... you can have up to SIX choices for 4m.

Its actually something like a kind and not-so-kind structured qns, if you think about it.

Kind cause all the possible ans are laid right in front of you. If it is a structured qns, you probably will write those ans and get ALL your deserved marks.

BUT! its not so kind cause, the wrong choices will somehow look correct and with human error, you tend to include those in your choices. Supposedly it is a structured qns, you wouldnt be penalised for writing those wrong ans and in the 1st place! those ans wouldnt be in your head! So if it was a structured qns, you will get your 4m. BUT it isnt, so the chances of you not getting your 4m is like super duper high unless you are pretty sure about your ans and not get confused by the wrong options. So here we have Mcq qns that can be of a range or 2m to 7m.

Throw me 20 NORMAL structured qns! Throw me 20 中医基础 multiple ans mcq!

BUT ! DOnt throw me 15 bs107 mcq! sighs.

Having such stingy mcq that isnt there to help you but hurt you, you would think the structured qns would be better. HAHAHAHA! you are SOOO wrong!

Our notes are diagrams diagrams with incoherent short sentences at the sides. So you are supposed to decipher the diagrams and make out what the sentences are trying to enlighten you about. AND here is the nice, ohhh soo nice BS 107 structured qns:

In case the answer requires a diagram, ONLY the diagram will be considered in the evaluation of your answer and NOT any accompanyin separate text except diagram labels.

Okays. Just read that instructions, and you will probably pray and wish that such diagram qns will be like one out of the five qns you have to do. THink again and again and Pray harder!

5 compulsory qns and... ALL FIVE are Diagram qns! Yeap, no kidding. Kids, please be artistic while rmbring your biology concepts. Or better still, pray that you memorised ALL the diagrams provided in your notes. Cause yeaps! You are graded on your diagrams and nothing else. So please dont bother trying to explain your drawing in words at the side, at the bottom or anywhere else near your diagrams, cause it is obvious those aint diagram labels and thus WONT be marked. So supposedly you are like me, an explanations-kind-of person, you can lose up to 25 marks =D GREAT!

So... to do well for BS 107, go memorise whatever's in the notes, INCLUSIVE of diagrams. Burn your notes and drink them down before sleeping and pray real hard. Score in Mcq with excellent and accurate choice making skills and with primary school illustrations of biology( okays, maybe its only me who has primary school illustrations skills =X)

Wish me luck! For the exam is on wed and there's 12 chapts waiting for me to internalise them.

2008-04-09T21:41:00.002+08:00

I hate being lonely.

I hate the loneliness.

I hate being left alone.

for too long a time.

I hate the silence.

I hate the emptiness.

I hate the uneasiness.

But i know,

I'm not alone.

Physically, yes.

Emotionally, no.

Spiritually, no.

I miss you.

2008-03-15T00:16:00.003+08:00

Double degree in Biomedical Science & TCM
To do well in this course, it has very few and extreme options

1) you are a genius and dont really need to study much and you still get you A+ and A. No Bs allowed. Not even B+. Since you would wanna get 1st class honours, wouldnt you. i aint a genius so this option is a no-no for me =(

2) you aint a genius, but you can be super duper wuper luper hardworking. so what do you do to get your 1st class honours? simple. dont sleep everyday or rest for only 1-2 hrs and mug the rest of your remaining uni life time. In short, no life! How can! how can i do that to myself when im like..only 19 once, only 20 once, only 21 once...get the idea? i cant "Waste " my few precious young years on mugging. thats so ARGH! and its a big enormous ARGH im talking about. i need a life and i 100% need my sleep. i love sleeping alot.ALOT. i can sleep a day away effortlessly. so how can i only sleep for 1-2 hrs.i will seriously cry. And no life? oh my goodness! i wanna go out with my friends! i wanna go night cycling. i wanna go movie watching and cycling and kayaking and.. so many many more.i miss all of my friends! I love weekends (and dread them sometimes) cause its the time i can be with my loved ones and friends. but i feel so torn apart between spending time with them and spending time with my notes. i wanna do them BOTH! I wanna stop time, clear my work and still spend time with everyone. i guess i didnt consider all these when i accepted this course.i simply didnt know what i was in for till im in it and seriously sinking in it.

i guess i got a few choices:
1) study as much as i can which is insufficient to get me my 1st class honours BUT still able to catch some decent amount of rest(is 5 hrs decent?!) and ALSO spend time with loved ones and friends.(to friends who are reading this, im so sorry i couldnt make it for so many activities =( will try harder to make time =) )

2) stupidly and with all the determination i can ever have, choose the above option 2 and pray i make it out alive and kicking to go get my 1st class honours. its kinda sad..VERY sad actually if you put in so much freakingly amount of efforts, blood and sweat and guts into your studies and you go nuts before you can see the fruits of your hardwork or you drop dead and die from exhaustion or your body just feel you are seriously nuts and give up on you. Funny is, im studying tcm and we seriously know that these 5 years will probably shorten our lives by 10years or more with the amount of exertion we are giving our mind and body. Meaning we just need to pray we wont die the next day to not enjoy the fruits of our labour and that at the end of it, what we learnt will be used in trying to prolong our very own shortened lifespans. ironical indeed it is. Doctors-to-be mugging away their life, only to try to remedy and make up for their actions.
Prayers to all doctors-to-be: may your mind and body stay strong and fierce through this rough tough journey of becoming a pair of healing hands. And in your efforts to heal others, to bring possible comforts to the injured and sick, that you will be blessed in your journey and thereafter, that your pair of healing hands will save and comfort those in need. i guess it is the very reason why we are on this path, for this dream we hold deep in our hearts and minds. So we gotta stay strong and fierce. never giving in. never giving up. Thats why the option of quiting this course should be deleted from my mind =)

TIME MANAGEMENT! PRIORITISE!
in the end, im choosing the 2nd 1) and gonna put in my best efforts in everything i do. so that at the end of whatever that may come out of it, i know i did my best =) no regrets.

2008-02-29T17:05:00.002+08:00

SHAME ON YOU!

Darn !
i just wasted my time on an insignificant piece of crap.

oh wells.

thankfully i aint you =)

2008-02-21T00:37:00.003+08:00

What should i do?
1) Go for my two dental surgeries and get it over and done with? Fill up the two sickening gaps quickly to reduce my retainers-days?
But i'm tired of surgeries, operations. It seems i have been through quite a number within the short 19years of my life. Both my parents and i are tired of the pain and sufferings after the operations. The need to take tonics to boost my system. The amount of blood lost. Aargh!

2) Delay my two surgeries for as long as i can. But get it done before i leave for china. AND try to remember to wear my retainers during this period.
Its so painful wearing them when the teeth can move about so freely due to the two sickening gaps. I want to wear my retainers everyday, but my jaw joints are aching from the previous operation. It wasn't a success afterall.

3) Dont go for the surgeries and be retainers-bound for life.
Not a really good idea though. But what if i go for the two op and both aint really of a success like the previous and my jaw drops or more mouth aches.(imagining the worst scenarios) Both op are actually minor ops since it aint involving my organs and such. But they are still ops afterall.

In case you are wondering what operations im dreading...
1st: Bone grafting as im lacking in sufficient bone mass in that jaw area. So incision and "flapping" of the gum, expose the jaw bone at the gap. Incise the gum at the back of the mouth, expose the jaw bone at the back. Saw out some bone. Put this bone in the gaps. Sew back the gum and allow the bone to fuse.(Completed, left with noisy jaws that makes noise when i chew and aching jaw joints)

2nd: Upon firm fusing of the bones, re-expose the jaw bones at the gaps, drill a screw into each jawbones. Allow time for screws to fuse firmly to the bone.( Can't rmbr if that have been done simultaneously with the above. Oh wells, gotta see my surgeon once more for a new surgery date and consultation.)

3rd: Re-expose and add the crown to the screws. Then...TAAADDAAA!! Adeline has two tooth implants. Yes it is something like dentures. Permenant fake teeths.

I guess i have already chosen option 1. Now what's left it making time to do down to NDC to get a new op date which hopefully falls on my 3months vacation so i can have sufficient bedrest since now im prone to be anemic. I have come a long way from extractions, braces and retainers. This is the last final step(i hope.). Shant waste all the time, effort, money and blood.

For the perfect smile =D

2008-02-16T13:03:00.001+08:00

I feel like and want to take time off studies to go travelling,
before all natural beauties disappear.
The lakes, ice caps, forests...
But is it possible?

Wishes and dreams are all that i have...

2008-02-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

I am so so so so x 100 happy!

Though it wasnt a surprise surprise as i was anticipating it.

ToDAy was wonderful!

After a long tiring day in school, from 9:30 to 4pm, the appearance took away all the tiredness.

I guess i dread each hour of lesson as i couldnt wait to get back to hall to confirm what i was anticipating.

"hello stranger." LOL. that was on my mind when i saw what i was hoping for.

A big bouquet of flowers(subjective. perfect to me) and a perfect timeout from ntu life =D

Nothing could be better than this.

Time fly past faster when you are immersed in happiness and contentment.

You plastered a smile on my face and in my heart.

2007-12-14T23:52:00.000+08:00

My Dæmon Myron! =)

2007-12-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

Where is my Dæmon?

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone always by your side?

The companionship.

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who truely understands you

inside out. All your moods, emotions and thoughts.

The telepathy.

The bond.

The connection upon birth.

I would truely love to have a Dæmon.

2007-12-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

Artist: Jon McLaughlin

Song: So Close

You’re in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I’m with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes by

Romantic dreams will stop

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting, waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I wanted to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come

So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We’re so close

To reaching that famous happy end

And almost believing this was not pretend

Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are

So close

And still so far

2007-11-27T00:07:00.000+08:00

Self-revival completed.

Now, all ready for...

PLAYTIME!!

Wahahahaha.

Just kidding.

Gotta rest and regenerate my energy and passion.

Since from next semester onwards,

every semesters i will have overload of modules and AUs to clear.

Last semester,

i was taking 18AUs, came out of it almost dead, lifeless

and almost losing my self motivation and passion.

For future semesters,

it would be 21- 29 AUs to clear.

damn! what have i gotten myself into!

argh! i could probably have it easy else where.

Oh wells. no point regretting but to move on with life.

So...

Wish me luck and strength. Tons and tons of it!

Luck to make the path less rough and tiring.

Strength to pick myself up each time i fall

to continue this journey i have started.

For at the end of this journey,

many lessons would be learnt.

many mistakes would be made.

many friendships and memories would be created.

And i'm truely blessed to have you by my side.

Not behind me while i face everything alone.

But by my side. Hand in hand.

2007-11-25T19:53:00.000+08:00

Vitamins

60 years ago a poet lamented:
"We are guilty of many errors and many faults,

but our worst crime is abandoning the children,
neglecting the foundation of life.
Many of the things we need can wait.

The child cannot.
Right now is the time his bones are being formed,
his blood is being made and his senses are being developed.
To him we cannot answer "Tomorrow".

His name is "Today"."

- Gabriela Mistral, 1948 (Chilean poet)-

Just a little piece of carrot a day.

And 500,000 children will not have to go blind each year

as a result of Vitamin A deficiency

And i believe that all of us can help these children.

2007-11-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

I feel blessed.

I'm thankful for the life i have.

Spread the Love and Happiness to the less fortunate.

Some things in life, money just cant buy.

For He is always by our side.

2007-11-14T21:22:00.000+08:00

My Firsts

The 1st question

of my 1st paper

of my 1st uni exam.

And

I flunked it.

1st time sitting for Econs exam.

1st time mugging in hall for exams.

sighs.

I hate the loneliness.

I hate the emptiness.

I hate the silence.

I hate the distance.

I hate the isolation.

But what can i do.

But to adapt.

sighs.

Self- revival in progress...

2007-11-01T16:57:00.001+08:00

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

2007-11-01T16:55:00.001+08:00

Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 5:2

2007-11-01T16:38:00.001+08:00

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.
Philippians 3:10

2007-10-28T16:42:00.000+08:00

Toilet cleaners, roadsweepers, all kinds of cleaning up jobs.
The old should not be made or allowed to clean up after the young. it's just wrong.
But for the young to take up such jobs, it would be a waste of talent, energy and youth.
Leave it to technology and machines. Created through man's actions.
No man is perfect. What more the things that they create.
Solution: Everybody do their part and clean up their own mess. simple habit.
So why isn't it happening. Cause humans are imperfect. Excuses excuses excuses.
And some are simply inconsiderate, selfish and self centred.
After all, to them, there will always be an old uncle/auntie cleaning up after them. shame on you.
They may need the income to support themselves.
But there are better jobs out there that they could take up.
Without the supply of such jobs, would there be the chance to be in that job.
So who will do the cleaning in the end.
The older generation.
So make the job easier for them. Clean your own mess.

Toilets dirtied by the young, cleaned by the old. Where's the sense in that.

2007-10-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

2007-10-18T20:36:00.000+08:00

Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
Matthew 22:37

2007-10-09T00:34:00.000+08:00

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12

2007-10-09T00:21:00.000+08:00

This is one birthday to remember.

All the surprises and gifts=D

On sat, it was with part of da gang. Surprise bday celebration at nydc. Oreo Cheesecake, bigbig bday balloon with bear bear and big big stitch!

On sun, it was loved ones day. Angpow, a mini fridge and Mango cake. Quality time spent.

TODAY! THE day. hehe.

surprise surprise by my course mates.

"ade ade, what you want eat for lunch uh. where you wanna go eat for lunch?", "now now? is it time yet?" LOL. laughters and a chocolate cake.

Next up. Surprise by....cheryl!! *hugs hugs* miss her sooo much! she came down from nus to celebrate and went back to nus for her lessons. it sure was worth the time taken off studying for test. *grins**HUGS* Chocolate cream cake. it couldnt have been a success without aud helping to coordinate* hugs roomie*

After school, bbq and subcomm meeting...

Im tired. Got tutorials, lab reports, poster and slides to complete.

"are you free now (time was 11:52pm)? can you help me do something?""come down to the lounge". Blur me walked to the lift. took the lift up and down , up and down. keep alighting at the wrong floor. finally the lounge. SURPRISE! the welfare subcomm were sittin in the dark waiting for me =D HAPPY BIRTHDAY! haha. one thing about hallmates is that they never fail to amaze me with their spontaneity. They managed to buy a blueberry cake at 10-11plus pm. O.o yummy cake and nice time spent with them before all of us retired back to our rooms.

Thanks sooo sooo much guys, for making my 19th birthday so memorable =D

Seriously, it is one i wouldnt forget...HOW TO FORGET ?! 5 CAKES LEH!!

hehe.kidding.*BIG BIG hugs*

lets see, its end of 8oct and its 9th Oct. MEANING...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!! *hugs and kisses*

okiess..back to work!

cakesophobic!

2007-10-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

MY PRE-PRE BIRTHDAY SURPRISE!

Thanks soooo soooo much guys for the surprise and all!

Enjoyed every moment of it =D

Was REALLY shockingly happy to see balloon bear bear and stitch(BIG!)!

haha! cant stop smiling =D

You guys never fail to surprise me with your presents.

(shall try to upload some pix)

*hugs hugs hugs*

*big big hugs*

Thanks for coming down to bring me(& bear bear & stitch) home =D

*hugs & kisses*

2007-10-05T16:01:00.000+08:00

I need my whisky dry.

Anyone interested to join me?

2007-10-05T00:43:00.001+08:00

"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."
Isaiah 40:8

2007-09-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

There goes one recess week. Gone.

Sighs.

2007-09-29T19:00:00.000+08:00

excessive crying hangover.

Argh.

2007-09-29T17:21:00.000+08:00

If I were blue, would you be there for me,

And whisper in my ears that's ok.

Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,

And say you love me one more time.

If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,

And touch my lips with tender loving care,

Would you die for me, would you run with me,

And never look back..

Would you be there to love, to be with me?

Would you swear that your love is always true?

Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there to love, to be with me?

Would you swear that your love is always true?

Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there..

If I am away, would you still think of me,

And wished that you could hold me now.

Would you die for me, would you run with me,

All the way ...

Would you be there to love, to be with me?

Would you swear that your love is always true?

Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,

Would you swear that your love is always true,

Would you say that you always be there,

To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there to love, to be with me?
Would you swear that your love is always true?
Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?

Would you be there to save my soul tonight,
Would you swear that your love is always true,
Would you say that you always be there,
To kiss my pain away,

Would you be there ..... for me ...

2007-09-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

2007-09-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

Natalie-Love you so.

From the minute that you got my attention

I was taken and I have to mention

I was trying to not let it show

But I knew I wasn't gonna let you go

From the way that you came right to me

Looking all hot with the style that threw me

No one would've ever known it

You would be the one who take this heart and hold it

You got that extraordinary way

Got to be next to ya every single day

You do something that I just can't explain

Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me

BOY, I love you so

Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

Yeah

Do you know it

BOY, I love you so

Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

I just want you to know

You can san say anything you want to

No stress 'cause I understand you

We got a vibe you can't define

Want everyone know that boy is mine

We won't fight and stop and stare at the way you hold me

You take me there at times

I feel I lose control

Forget everyone but the hand I'm holding

Please know this

I'll always be right here

And you don't have to look

Nowhere else babe

Don't think for a minute

This love will change

Oh you should know that

2007-09-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

What lies ahead of me... =D

I am endangered.

I am on the brink of extinction.

Because...

There is only ONE me!

>.<

2007-09-07T23:01:00.000+08:00

Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and uno cards

I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine

Valentine

Yes you can hold my hand if u want to

Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

Its time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

I won't cry.

2007-08-26T21:11:00.000+08:00

I'm homesick.

I'm beginning to hate the separation and distance.

Separated from my family.

Separated from him.

For 5 days.

But i got to be strong.

5 years to go.

Thats all.

Just 5 more years.

You wipe away tears that no one could see.

With your words.

With your presence.

Love. Happiness. Contentment. Comfort.

2007-08-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

Movies i want to watch =)
Now showing
The Bourne Ultimatum - 2nd Aug
Rush Hour 3- 9th Aug
The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes- 9th Aug
Poltergay - 16 Aug
Skinwalkers - 16 Aug
Brave Story - 16 Aug
Hairspray- 23 Aug
Ratatouille - 30th Aug
The Last Legion - 30th Aug
Firehouse Dog- 6 Sept
Evan Almighty - 6 Sept
Sicko - 13 Sept
Daywatch- 13 Sept
Arctic Tale - 13 Sept
The Nanny Diaries - 27 Sept

Coming Soon
Azur and Asmar- 25 Oct
Enchanted- 21st Nov
Stardust
The Kingdom- 22nd Nov
National Treasure 2 - Dec

2007-08-17T22:04:00.000+08:00

i love uni life.

i love hall life.

i'm beginning to love drinking and clubbing.

But i always love you. *grins*

2007-08-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

The 3 legged race.

A guy and a girl in love is like them being in a 3 legged race.

The guy and the girl coming together, with 2 minds focused on 1 path.

Both have to work hand in hand to reach the finishing line.

Along the way, there would be disgreements and unhappiness,

similar to that when one quickens/slows down his pace in the race.

They can choose to give up,

remove the rope that binds them together.

And walk on their own paths.

But with lots of efforts and understanding,

they would complete the race.

The race being their shared life journey.

Both have to support one another,

especially when the journey gets tougher.

For if one gives up, it would be tiring for both to complete the race.

Every pair can reach the finishing line.

It is not how fast you complete the race.

But it is how you complete it.

Let's finish the race.

Together. Side by Side.

With smiles on our faces,

and in our hearts.

2007-08-06T16:35:00.000+08:00

NTU Hall Camp was GREAT.

2007-07-29T09:14:00.000+08:00

^.^Another phase of Life -_-

It will be the 1st time i'm aint living with my family.

It will be the 1st time i will be living with my friends.

It will be the 1st time we will be apart for 5days.

It will be new environment, new friends, new daily routines.

But, i will always always miss and love

my old environment, old friends and old daily routines.

I'm looking forward to it yet wishing time wouldnt fly by so quickly.

Distance, Absence make the heart grow fonder.

I'm missing everything already.

I love the past and memories and the present.

So what about the future?

I will make sure that the future will be lovable =)

^.^ -_- ^.^ -_- ^.^ -_-

2007-07-21T23:08:00.000+08:00

~* Ballet Under The Stars *~

Though there wasnt much stars to be under, the performance was GREAT!!

The school performances.

The Main performance.

All these just make me wanna try out dancing.

But am i too old to try ballet? Can i move to the music?

Oh wells. It got me into the mood for dancing. Thats for sure.

*Grins*

~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

2007-07-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

Once in a 100 years...

06/06/06: Watched The Omen with him.

07/07/07: 777 marriages registered in Singapore. Live Earth Concert.

08/08/08: I wanna get married! >.<

Nice date ma. =X

2007-07-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

I'm beginning to love studying my tcm materials and reading the bible.

I guess its the company that matters most.

I love the silent moments

when i'm trying real hard with chinese and you doing your stuff.

And the noisy moments

when i have lots of questions after reading the bible and you trying your best to answer them.

We tried last time to start me on the bible you gave.

I tried during JC when i miss you.

I stopped when i have many questions but no answer.

Because of you, i start to have more faith in God and start to believe in Him bit by bit.

I want to get into the habit of reading the bible in Uni.

So be prepared for all my questions!

Maybe i should start going to church with you on Sundays.

2007-07-06T22:04:00.000+08:00

An incident that took place today confirmed an opinion of some.
Nowadays, some institutions, organisations and service systems are like this :
Requests for payments/bills, issue of fines, withdrawal from school: fast and efficient. sometimes too efficient.
Going the extra mile for others: slow, reluctant.
Is it self centredness? Such that some organisations are just concerned about their own interests and not that of their customers. An eg of mine. Maybe i have high expectations or something. Let me know your view. I have withdrawn from school and its known that every year, many students withdraw from school to go uni and almost all of us apply for tuition grants and loans. Thus, under the influence of the media that services provided here are good and efficient, it came to me that my previous school would do the paperwork of billing me the remainder of my school fees and do the cancellations of the grants and loans since they have the computed, ready letters for required organisations. But nope, apparently i have to call up the school to request for a letter to be sent to cpf board. Isnt the school supposed to do the finance and bill me my fees, wouldnt that require them to be in contact with cpf board since i have a loan from them. Maybe i expect too much, thinking that our organisations and institutions have such procedures in place. It might be going the extra mile for others. But come to think of it, after speaking to the cpf people, it so happened that my school was supposed to send that official letter since they have to return the loan to cpf board and later bill me my fees. oh wells. what an experience.
Ready for another experience of mine?

On a bus ride, while i was looking out of the window. Guess what i saw. An NEA officer littering. She literally threw the brown big paper bag onto the pavement while walking. The kind you take away food in.Yeap. NEA and littering. Environment and rubbish.wow.

Dengue's on the rise. Yeap, im immune to 2 dengue virus strains. Is that good or bad? it can be good, since im left with 2 more to go.haha. But heard that each time i get it, it weakens the body. Do mosquitoes of sentosa stay within sentosa, can they come singapore? Cause sentosa seems to have more mosquitoes breeding ground than here. hmmm.

2007-07-04T08:50:00.000+08:00

Everyday's a good day.

Tomorrow will be better.

2007-06-13T09:22:00.000+08:00

Day 8.

After one whole week, today's the day!

2007-06-12T22:21:00.000+08:00

Day 7.

1 more day left!

2007-06-11T11:53:00.000+08:00

Day 6.

Life hasn't been great for us. Has it.

But we have to count our blessings and be thankful.

Life has its ups and downs.

We are just having a bit more downs than ups.

Sometimes in life, it's the very familiar things around us that we overlook.

Like the ones we love and care for.

Letting our hectic lives wear us out, draining us of our energy.

We shall not let that happen to us. Right?

We shall treasure those who love and care for us. Right?

We shall always be there for each other. We will.

2007-06-10T11:48:00.000+08:00

Day 5.

3more days left. =) Jiayo!

You are on a 1 week holiday and i'm missing you like this.

We still have Uni, NS and abroad studies to go. Jiayo Jiayo!!

After everything we have been through. We can do it.

2007-06-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

Day 4.

The usual weekend routine.

Without anything planned except a hair cut is needed.

It was an enjoyable day well spent with my parents.

What should i do tomorrow?

Maybe i will spend the day thinking about us.

4 more days left. Jiayo Jiayo!

Cant wait for Wednesday*grins*

2007-06-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

Day 3.

Had lots of fun in school, with my friends.

But couldnt help waiting for your sms.

I know i wouldnt receive any sms from you.

But it has become a habit.

Reached home.

The waiting continued online.

I guess i miss you alot.

Cause i really do.

What about you.

2007-06-07T16:10:00.000+08:00

Day 2.

At home, alone with my doggy and lappy.

Waiting for 13th June to come.

I miss you.

2007-06-07T16:03:00.000+08:00

Things never make sense till they're supposed to.
Answers don't come till we're able to understand them.
And truths can't be revealed till we're ready to accept what they are.

Everything happens for a Reason.

2007-06-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

Day 1.

Off to perth. you and your family.

Stuck in singapore. me and my lappy.

Kept myself occupied in school & at home.

Failed attempts to distract myself.

Ended up thinking about you.

Take Care.

2007-05-20T09:18:00.000+08:00

Artist: Utada Hikaru
Song: First Love

Saigou no KISU wa
TABAKO no flavor ga shita
NIGAkute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni iru n darou
Dare wo omotteru n darou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashi uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugokidasou to shiteru
Wasuretakunai koto bakari

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anata wo omotteru n darou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now & forever...

2007-05-19T15:14:00.000+08:00

2007-05-01T11:15:00.000+08:00

Artist: Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore Lyrics

Song: Way Back Into Love Lyrics

Haley: Ive been living with a shadow over head

Ive been sleepin with a cloud above my bed

Ive been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

Hugh: I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need them again someday

Ive been setting aside time,to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

chorus: All I want to do is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

ohh

Haley: I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

Ive been searching but I just dont see the signs

I know that its out there

Theres got to be something for my soul somewhere

Hugh: I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not just somebody to get me through the night

I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

Chorus: All I want to do is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

and If I open my heart again

I guess Im hopin you'll be there for me in the end

Haley: There are moments when I dont know if its real

or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

Chorus: All I want to do is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

and If I open my heart to you

Im hopin you'll show me what to do

and if you help me to start again

you know that I'll be there for u in the end

2007-04-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

NUS Dentistry

NTU double degree in Biomedical Science & Traditional Chinese Medicine

NYP Diploma in Physiotherapy

Follow My Heart to where it Leads me

2007-04-25T08:01:00.000+08:00

Its been quite some time that i have blogged. So here's the latest update.
I 'm in Nanyang Poly Physiotherapy, got shortlisted for Dentistry in NUS, but gonna stay in NYP as i feel that physio is more for me than dentistry. So i aint sure about going for the manual dexterity test and interview as i would miss important physio anatomy lab and lect, which is terrible terrible. So i'm stuck in the middle.
I have joined NYP dragon boating, adventure club and archery club. But feel more inclined to dragon boating, must be in the genes.haha. But it has 2 land trainings and 2 sea trainings which physio course cant allow.oh wells. another dilemma. Another plus, he said my body is still too weak for such activity.hai

Follow my heart. To where it belongs.

2007-04-15T13:08:00.000+08:00

What am I supposed to do?

Feel so screwed up.

Things only come to me when i give up trying to obtain them.

Many unspoken words.

Many hidden feelings.

Why?

We are like fools playing the game of Life.

Only to realise Life's playing with us. You and Me.

We are in control of our life and future.

But somethings are just out of our reach and control.

One moment you are in control.

And the next moment you aint.

Why?

2007-04-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

Things never make sense till they're supposed to.

Answers don't come till we're able to understand them.

And truths can't be revealed till we're ready to accept what they are.

2007-03-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

I love you and still do.

But...

Dont make me hate you.

2007-03-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

Serendipity.

A Fortunate Accident.

2007-03-24T10:08:00.000+08:00

Caught in the middle.

2007-02-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

After so many twists and turns, God brought us back together again.

Or was it Fate?

Whatever it was, it's heaven by your side.

Let's make it last forever.

Promise.

2007-02-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

Dangerously In love with you

2007-02-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

2nd day of CNY
This year cny was indeed different from the others. Woke up early and took my time getting ready in the toilet as my dress was still being ironed by my mummy. Im spoilt.yes i am. =X Then taadaaa, we are all ready for visiting. It was the usuals. Wishes, angbaos, questions from relatives and playing with cousins. But was feeling unwell and didnt have much appetite. Could only think about the programme after that. After playing with rabbits, mummy and i finally managed to get daddy to go home so that i can proceed on with my next prog.
Feeling sooo nervous and worried, but with him by my side, i felt much much better. =) And i have very very good reasons as to why i am feeling like that. In all, it was a great wonderful day. I guess i was worrying a little too much as everything turned out well. *grins* think i will have nice dreams tonight. Cant wait for tmr. =)
Heaven by your side.

2007-02-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

1St day of Chinese New Year.
This year, cny was totally different as most relatives would be out of town and thus the official gatherings are tmr. So today, it was cny for the Tan family. Free and easy. Very relaxing and nice. We headed to sembawang to see the bottle trees as dad and mum say it is very nice. But we reached there to find the park closed and that from a far, the bottle trees in Goong looks nicer. So we decided to go for lunch, since it was already past lunchtime. Thats when our car broke down. hmmm. Bro kept wanting to go to the zoo but it looks like its gonna rain. oh wells, no choice we took the bus back to civilisation as that sembawang area was kinda deserted. I love my family.haha.. so impromptu and fun loving as we ended up in orchard area and it was my daddy that suggested lunch in the cinema while we catch any nice shows available. haha. So we sneaked long johns silver into the theatre to watch ghost rider. Great show, though wishing he was there by my side. Mum kept wanting to go swenson or jack's place so we walked down orchard road to find long queue for swenson and jack's place closed. Left with coffee bean, we had dinner there. Today was a great day with many great memories as it has been a long time going out with the whole family using public transport. =)

Differently Special.

2007-02-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

A Levels results release... on 2nd March.

Shit. Screwed.

2007-02-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

This year's Valentine's Day was probably the best and sweetest =)

2007-02-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

Heys!
Haven't been blogging much about whats happening. so here goes...

Today, we broke records again at work. Normal days : 80 plus patients, so 1 room 40 plus. Normal tuesdays: 120 plus, so 60 plus. Today: 160 plus, so its 80 plus. But i wasnt feeling tired, just my eyes, but they have been tired since i woke up. so oh wells. i miss my senior. haha. for the wrong reasons. like... without her, i got more work to do =X But then, it seems funny. the moment i went back to work this week, my stomach flu seems to get better *grins* work does miracles sometimes. So yeap, i'm on the road to recovery, after a week long of stomach flu.

Last week, i have gotten a henna tattoo with aud and cher. too bad jon didnt do.hai. next time =) Aud and cher's on their hands, mine's on my back since my hands are out of bounds. With one week to admire my back, i love my tattoo.hehe. and wanna get another tattoo soon after this one disappears.. that would be 30 bucks, since i owe jon 15. but mummy doesnt allow.sianz. oh wells, shall try the " do then show" technique again or ...i should be a good girl and not do it again. Gotta convince her that i wouldnt go for permanent tattoo, cause i would sooner or later get bored of the same tattoo on my body and would want to change the tattoo and like eeewww..i dont wanna grow old with a tattoo on my back. yucks. haha. hmmm...got something to think about now, henna tattoo, navel piercings and tomorrow =)

Navel piercings... just gotta convince mum that i would keep it clean of infection and i guess she would allow * fingers crossed* or heck la, do then if she doesnt see then it stays >.<..hahahaha

here's the henna tattoo on me...
Before and After

That's all for tonight. Nitex.

2007-02-11T14:57:00.000+08:00

给自己的情歌

梁詠琪

2007-02-11T14:46:00.000+08:00

原来爱情这么伤

梁詠琪

2007-02-11T14:36:00.000+08:00

I feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction giving part of my 1st pay to my parents.

It feels...different. *Grins*

2007-02-08T09:39:00.000+08:00

Sick again.
Been feeling unwell since sunday, before meeting up with nathan, drey and lyn. Felt gastric-sy and nausea, thus wasnt able to really enjoy the dimsum. but the company was great, except for the green nails of nathan which touch my pao =P. thanks aud for your carbon pills.
Everyday, i felt hungry and unhungry at the same time as i felt like puking with each mouth of food and bloated and pained after eating. It was until yesternoon that it worsen to diarrhea, making me wake up every hour for the toilet. Had to see the docs today to get mc as i couldnt go to work with a terribly upset stomach. Doc said it was serious stomach and intestinal flu and hopefully they aint that poisoned to not absorb my precious drugs. He gave me 2 days mc, hinting that it may not recover that fast. But i cant dont work tmr, it would means i will have $120 less to spend =( but with today free, i have the temptation to head down to vivo to see cher and then later ben, but mum would probably say siao! and i probably have to keep looking out for toilets. hai..oh wells.

Drugged...again

2007-01-31T21:26:00.000+08:00

那一年顶楼加盖的阁楼　什么人忘了锁

是谁找不到　未满十八岁的我

你是一滴滴隐形的眼泪　风一吹就乾了

只能这样了　是吗

同时甜蜜与心碎　是你的幽默　还是温柔

是瞬间烟火　还是不甘寂寞　第一次你抱紧我

轻轻的亲亲　紧紧闭着眼睛

是你不是你　说不定　还不一定

梦一样轻的亲亲　不敢用力呼吸

不敢太贪心　太相信　我的幸运　百分之百是你

思念被时光悄悄的摇落　酸酸的咬一口

青春的苹果　香香的催眠了我

是你脸粉红了我的耳后　烫伤了我额头

现在想起来　会痛

同时甜蜜与心碎　是你的幽默　还是温柔

是瞬间烟火　还是不甘寂寞　第一次你抱紧我

轻轻的亲亲　紧紧闭着眼睛

是你不是你　说不定　还不一定

梦一样轻的亲亲　不敢用力呼吸

不敢太贪心　太相信　我的幸运　百分之百是你

亲亲

2007-01-31T20:12:00.000+08:00

Differences between locals and overseas shows.
Local shows have storyline with extreme stupidity, showing all the worst stupid scenarios.
Overseas shows have storyline with substance, knowing their limit of stupidity.
Local shows, i look forward only to find out how the director ends the stupid plot.
Overseas, i look forward because it keeps viewers in suspense and anticipation as there may always be a twist in the plot.
Local's storyline repeats.
Overseas's have occasional new plots but audience are still able to relate to them, so it aint that far-fetched like our locals.
Just my point of view.

2007-01-28T13:37:00.000+08:00

The Seven Wonders of the World

1. To See.

2. To Hear.

3. To Touch.

4. To Taste.

5. To Feel.

6. To Laugh.

7. To Love.

2007-01-28T13:32:00.000+08:00

Many people seek fulfillment through expecting or demanding that other people "fill" the emptiness inside them. The problem is...no one else is qualified to do that.
So, loneliness and insecurities persist, and when they do, the search for answers continues in all the wrong places. People continue longing to be filled up by other people who don't even know how to fill themselves up. So, there are all these people looking for answers in others who don't have them.
No wonder people are frustrated, sad, and feel lost.

2007-01-28T13:28:00.001+08:00

I read a story of two horses in a field.
Incredibly, one horse is blind. If you get close enough to him, you can hear the sound of a bell. On further examination, you'll see that the bell is attached to the halter of the smaller horse. It helps her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow where she leads. When they go back to the barn each evening, she stops and looks back periodically, making sure her friend is still close enough to hear the ring...and follow.
Our lives work much the same way. Sometimes we are the blind horse...guided by the ringing bell of people God has placed in our life. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others around us to see and find their way.

2007-01-28T12:37:00.000+08:00

The 5 Stages of Break-up Grief (or other grief):

1st: Denial.

2nd: Anger.

3rd: Bargaining.

4th: Depression.

5th: Acceptance.

2007-01-28T12:19:00.000+08:00

Part of the journey of achieving self-actualization

is that you have to reach it on your own

without help or guidance from others.

Otherwise, you wont feel as keen a sense of accomplishment.

Self-actualization