Monday, December 18, 2006
Random feeling and thoughts...
I love and hate rainy weathers.
It has been raining for days. on and off.
Strong winds hitting against the windows. Dark cloudy sky.
I wanna curl up.curl up and hide beneath my warm blanket, away from the winds and the cold reality.
Did that. Done that.
But it never did remove the pain deep in me.
It never will be a substitute for your warmth. The warmth of being in your arms, knowing everything's alright and im safe.
I love and hate routines.
In our lives, routines are a part of us. Like it or not, its probably here to stay.
These 12 years, it was the study routine.
Hate it for decreasing playtime, increasing worktime.
But love it for it was probably the only thing that could numb the pain.
I realised only now that since pri4 i was using studies as a form of escaping.
In pri sch, i was escaping into a world of fascinating information that never fails to keep my love for studies going. In sec sch, it was somewhat the same, with the addition of solid ambitions and dreams.
But as life proceeds, study routines became a tool to numb feelings, to build a strong wall around myself, protecting me, my dreams and my heart.
But now, the routine is gone. The wall crumbles. Im no longer numbed. it hurts.it happens for 2years, coincide with rainy december.
A new wall needs to be build and will be build as routines grow out of nothing.
This pain, heavy feeling is a part of me.
Pain is your friend; it teaches you lessons you cant learn any other way.
One true thing. What we evade becomes what we fear. What we fear becomes what we are.
Time heals all wounds. But scars remain.
Love happens when people forgive.
she told
the story ...
12:12 AM
