Sunday, January 14, 2007

Two years went by quickly and now its 2007.

In 2005, it was the darkest and loneliest period of my life. Probably the lowest point in life. I had a strong feeling of emptiness and heartache in me. I could only be happy on the outside, for the happiness and laughters could never reach my inside. Perhaps, many had noticed that, but kept quiet and distant. Liked what ben said, I was giving off negative vibes, probably because i didnt want to let anyone in as i wasnt in the state of accepting anyone into my heart. This makes me wonder and want to know how and what i was liked in 2005. But at the end of 2005 and beginning of 2006, a group of people entered my life. They were already a part of it, just not that significant.

In 2006, we got together and became Da Gang. Aud, Cher, Jon, Ben, Xp and me. We dont really know when, but it just happened. With the hectic and crazy studying periods, i guessed we got closer. Programme-planning was da gang and maybe some others. Every one of da gang have slowly and noisely/quietly made their way into my heart. I dont know how and when and even why. Maybe it was the laughters. the pranks. the time spent together. or even the occasional silent moments. Without permission, they occupy a spot in me, removing some of the emptiness and heartache. Since 2005, i have learnt to numb myself from pain. After knowing them, i have learnt to let happiness soothe the pain. I was and am truely happy with them by my side. And now, i'm missing every single one of them. Hoping to meet them real soon.
The emptiness, loneliness and pain is back again. Intensified by the rainy weathers, i guess.
Maybe i'm thinking too much. Maybe i'm day dreaming too often. Should stop controlling my dreams and let them flow as they wish to.
So many questions i need to ask. So many answers i need to know. I dont want to take the old road. the one to self destruction and depression. It took a hell lot of effort and determination to get off that road. i dont want to go back. I have already let go. Let go of him and the past. I want to move on. Move on with my life even if it means without him. But i just cant seem to do so. The heart and mind are still too weak. I need the answers. I need some answers to move on. Maybe i havent really let go, which is why i cant move on. I havent let go of the love and memories we shared. Maybe i havent really let him go, out of my heart. I know this would lead me to no where, which is why i want to move on. Start a new life with or without him in it. Thats my aim for now, to have a new life.

Another random feeling and thoughts.


she told the story ... 4:47 PM


%that's me

>>*aDeLiNe*<<
(Female) (20) (8 Oct 1988)
(Ex-naps) (Ex-nas) (Ex-MJC)
(NYP PT0701) (NTU BMS)


%FAVOURITES

[God] [Family] [him] [friends] [freedom]



WISHLIST

~> Him
~> Good grades & health for everyone
~> Sony digital recorder VoicePlus ICD-U70(1GB)/ICD-U60(512MB)/ICD-U50(26MB)
~> Electronic chinese dictionary
~> Sony T20
~> A Orange Crumpler
~> A bedroom,totally designed by me
~> Navel piercing
~> Scooter license
~> Scooter
~> Shopping spree(new clothes and accessories)

> Play the guitar
> Play the piano
> Drive
> Nightcycle
> Nightblade
> Scuba dive
> Wakeboard
> Cableboard
> Get toned abs
> Get my kayaking 2nd star

* Graduate with double degree 1st class honours.
* Mug everyday.
* Maintain a healthy lifestyle.Exercise Execise
* Reach my ideal weight of 48-50kg.




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